Ever since the future arrived, and I’m referring to the invention of the “self check out aisle” at your local grocery store, the sensible and obviously popular choice expecting parents can make is to find out which sex their baby is. This juicy nugget of info allows parents to plan everything from which color to paint the nursery, to which male friend you will need to eventually watch around your future 18 year old daughter.
In these “On demand” times we live in where instant gratification isn’t just expected, it’s demanded, we tend to miss out on the little surprises life can offer us. So when Emily said she didn’t want to find out the sex of our baby, I immediately had to remind myself that was even an option. But when she explained to me what an incredible moment it will be when our baby is presented to us for the first time while the doctor exclaims, “It’s a …!!” I didn’t want to deprive us from having one of those extra special moments that have become so rare in our lives nowadays.
Our dance with the unknown began during our 19 week ultrasound when after seeing our baby swim around and suck its thumb, we were told to close our eyes if we didn’t want to see what we were having. I’ll admit I was very tempted to sneak a peek but resisted and covered my eyes with my hands. After that we were faced with constant challenges to overcome, finding a gender neutral paint color and crib, having to narrow down two lists of names, asking ourselves, and being asked, is this outfit acceptable for either gender? While we were registering for baby stuff, our only choice besides pink and blue was either, green and yellow. The standard response we get when telling people we are waiting to find out is, “I couldn’t do that! I would have to know.” We do meet rare people who say what we are doing is so cool. That last response is a total product of the times we live in. Just a couple decades ago, it was normal to not know what you were having, and I assume a lot easier to shop for.
This past weekend, Emily and I walked into a baby store and did the now familiar shuffle to the middle of the store, looking to one side to see the boys clothes, looking to the other side to see the girls clothes, then looking down and see the one rack dedicated to gender neutral clothing. I am not knocking our retail world. They need to stock products the majority of their patrons desire but how about a little effort for us few adventurous parents!
So far, we have managed to make everything work well for us, we picked a nursery theme fit for any child, began to collect suitable clothing, decided on names, and even created a baby playlist comprised of our favorite songs. The one thing we have not been able to work out is what to call our baby while its in utero. Most of the time, we say “it”, as in “I can feel it moving around!” but I don’t like to refer to my child as an “it”. It sounds cold and uncaring. I’ve tried out a couple nicknames but nothing has stuck yet. So as a last resort, I just call it the baby. “Hi baby! Hope you are comfortable in there.”
The other issue I have had to deal with is how to picture the baby when thinking about the future. Sometimes, I’m walking with my son down a beach, or dancing with my daughter in the living room. I suppose I should just tell myself that no matter what it is and who it becomes, we will love it more than anything and those joyful scenarios in my head will fit with whoever pops out to say “Hello.”
imagine the challenge for people like me who purposely want to raise their child in a gender-neutral environment to allow them to develop their own sense of self and gender. this will be a challenge not just for decor and outfits, but a consideration each time someone interacts with the child. maybe this is because i am a hippie of sorts, but whatever.
ReplyDeleteClothing, decor, and toy manufacturers do make it very hard to truly remain "gender neutral". It's kind of disappointing because it almost seems like they are pigeon-holing little ones into being one way or another. And you're right Sarah, it's not just the "things", but interaction from the outside world too!
ReplyDeleteI think even if we had decided to find out the gender of our baby, we still would've stuck with as much gender neutrality as possible, especially with the nursery decor and toys/gear.
On a side note, it is hard to see all of the very cute gender specific clothing and not be able to buy a little something here and there!