The End Game

And suddenly, we were a family. Suddenly, our lives would forever be changed. Suddenly, I was a father.

Few things in my life have stuck with me, constantly bringing me back to that point in time. Watching Arlo being born and the minutes following his arrival will forever be etched into my mind and soul. In a split second, you meet someone and immediately fall in love with them, and when I say love, I’m talking about an unbreakable bond.
It all happened so fast. Even though we had nine months to prepare ourselves, that Monday afternoon was a blur. In a span of 8 hours, Emily and I went from expecting, to overjoyed parents of a beautiful boy.
The contractions began Sunday evening. We were at a family party when they started. On the way home, she was timing them and getting anxious as we got closer to home. We decided to rest that night as Emily continued to monitor them. To her surprise, they ceased over night and when I woke up, she was pretty upset that they had not progressed.
While I got ready for work in the morning, she called her mom who convinced her to go into the doctor that morning to make sure everything was ok. Then the fun began. A little after noon, Emily called me to say her doctor is sending her to the hospital because she was dilated 3 cm.
I raced to the hospital. A drive that normally takes me an hour, took half that amount of time. As I ran into the delivery ward, my hands full of bags and pillows, I was greeted by her parents who pointed me to her room. As I walked in and saw her in the gown and on the bed, my feelings for her jumped to levels I had never felt before. This woman was about to go through a situation that would bring so much joy into our lives that everything else seems less important. Immediately, I became calm and reassured we were both ready for this long journey to end and a new one to begin.
We walked around the hospital for a couple hours in an attempt to progress her labor. At 5:30pm, the doctor broke her water and her contractions entered an unexpected level of pain. Emily endured. She dealt with the pain amazingly as I watched and did what I could to help her along the way.
Finally, at 8:44pm, Arlo Ryland was born. As I shouted, IT’S A BOY!!! and he was placed on Emily’s chest, we both began to cry. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. My mind immediately scanned the last 9 months that led to this moment. I thought about the previous years Emily and I had spent together. From our first few months together, to our time as man and wife, I thought about what will happen to us in the next couple months and years, and then finally back to that moment I walked into the delivery room to see Emily on the bed.
Life is good. Everyday when I get home, I’m greeted by my beautiful wife holding our amazing son. I get to create a future with my best friend. I get to teach and share my favorite things with Arlo. I get to relive June 6, 2011 just by closing my eyes.

AP

Thumbs a twiddlin

All the preparation has been completed. We took the parenting classes, finished the nursery, bought all the baby gear, and agreed on a name. Now we wait.
Last week, Emily’s doctor gave us a bit of a jolt. She thought the baby was bigger than expected and that she would have to deliver up to 2 weeks before her due date (June 11). She ordered an ultrasound to confirm her suspicions while Em and I were left thinking we were going to be parents earlier than expected.
Were we ready? I think so. To my surprise, I was filled with excitement, not anxiety. I was convinced this was it. Months of planning and waiting was about to pay off and we would be greeted with our special bundle of joy. So on Wednesday of this week, we went to the doctor and had the ultrasound. This would be the first time we would see the baby since January and we were both eager to see how much it changed. Immediately we were greeted by a face, a cute, smooched, familiar looking face. When seeing it, all I could muster to spit out was, “Wow”.
After the ultrasound, the tech said the measurements were on track, perfectly on track, and we would most likely deliver at our due date. I have to admit I left the appointment with a feeling of disappointment. That’s how I knew I was ready for parenthood and I was ready for all the responsibility.
I’ll be honest, there were times growing up when I ran from responsibility because I either didn’t want to be bothered or I was afraid of screwing up. What made those times different was that the only person’s life being effected by my actions, was my own. But now, someone else will be effected, someone who will depend on me for just about everything. When faced with that challenge, you can't run. You need to step up.
So now we are back to the waiting game. We are in the home stretch but it still feels like an eternity. They say good things come to those who wait, but I think blessings come to those who earn it.

Graduation

This past week, we finished our final birthing class session. I wasn’t sure what to expect when we first started but looking back, it was a great experience I hope every expecting parent is able to participate in. It was fun to see how much bigger each mother looked every week we met up. I think the ultimate goal of the class was to go over every scenario that may come up during labor and the post partum days. If you are a worrier, you may be put off by all the “worst case scenarios” they presented to the class, but as the instructor said, since this was a hospital, they had a responsibility to tell the potential patients what may occur so parents are prepared and not caught off guard.

I also felt they did a good job gearing it towards what the dad may go through and not just the mother. I feel more comfortable about everything having gone through the class though not 100% ready, but whoever is?

Most people might think that seeing the birthing videos or hearing about potential health issues for the baby may be the scariest part of the class, but for me (and Emily) it was the tour we took around the Mother/Child Ward. Seeing the delivery room and then the recovery room made it all so real for us. Emily commented that the rooms felt cold and lifeless and though that may be true, it’s the patients that bring warmth to these sterile environments.

I think the biggest benefit to attending these classes is seeing other young people struggling with the same thoughts and fears we have. Seeing that what we are experiencing is universal is reassuring though I’m sure none of those parents will be anywhere near the parents Em and I will be!

As we enter the final weeks till the big day, I am starting to focus and try to picture life at home with a young one. It’s the little daily things I am thinking about, like what do you do with the baby when you have to go to the bathroom? Mostly though, I am daydreaming eagerly about interacting with my son or daughter, taking them places, exposing them to music and books that I love, and introducing them to all our close friends.

Though we are entering uncertain times, the strong relationship Em and I have will get us through everything and hopefully show our child how a healthy marriage works.

Head of the Class

Last week, Emily and I attended our first birthing class at the hospital we chose to deliver at. Going into it, I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was eager to find out what it was all about. When we walked in, we were greeted with low lighting and ambient music and my immediate thought was, “Where’s the incense?” It turns out, that’s reserved for week 2!

As each couple entered the class, I couldn’t help but mentally sized them up to determine what their situation was. Most were young couples like us expecting their first bundle of joy. Then came the teenage couple that undoubtedly had an oops moment stemming from an unavoidable flash of adolescence passion. I kept a constant eye on this couple to see how they reacted with one another and to see how the guy responded to the images and mood of the class. To my surprise, the couple was very loving towards each other with the guy fully engaged.

As the class began, we were shown a PowerPoint presentation highlighting the different stages of pregnancy along with videos and illustrations of what was going on inside mommy. I have to say I learned a lot. I have read a couple of pregnancy books but learned more during this one class than the books combined.

The last half of the class was dedicated to the breathing exercises and relaxation techniques. As Emily’s labor partner, it is my job to keep her calm during labor and focused on her breathing. I have to be a steady hand when things get shaky. As a naturally panicky person, I’m the one who usually needs calming down but this time I need to be strong. How am I going to do that? I haven’t quite figured that part out yet. I once ran out of the house screaming “HELP!!!!!” when a pipe burst and our bathroom was filling with water, but when Em’s water breaks, I can’t go running for the hills.

What is going to get me through it all is my dedication to Emily and the desire to show I can be there and will be there for her always. I want my baby to see me for the first time crying from joy and not fear. And I want to be there to prove to myself I have what it takes to be a dad.

-AP

Our Little "it"!

Ever since the future arrived, and I’m referring to the invention of the “self check out aisle” at your local grocery store, the sensible and obviously popular choice expecting parents can make is to find out which sex their baby is. This juicy nugget of info allows parents to plan everything from which color to paint the nursery, to which male friend you will need to eventually watch around your future 18 year old daughter.

In these “On demand” times we live in where instant gratification isn’t just expected, it’s demanded, we tend to miss out on the little surprises life can offer us. So when Emily said she didn’t want to find out the sex of our baby, I immediately had to remind myself that was even an option. But when she explained to me what an incredible moment it will be when our baby is presented to us for the first time while the doctor exclaims, “It’s a …!!” I didn’t want to deprive us from having one of those extra special moments that have become so rare in our lives nowadays.

Our dance with the unknown began during our 19 week ultrasound when after seeing our baby swim around and suck its thumb, we were told to close our eyes if we didn’t want to see what we were having. I’ll admit I was very tempted to sneak a peek but resisted and covered my eyes with my hands. After that we were faced with constant challenges to overcome, finding a gender neutral paint color and crib, having to narrow down two lists of names, asking ourselves, and being asked, is this outfit acceptable for either gender? While we were registering for baby stuff, our only choice besides pink and blue was either, green and yellow. The standard response we get when telling people we are waiting to find out is, “I couldn’t do that! I would have to know.” We do meet rare people who say what we are doing is so cool. That last response is a total product of the times we live in. Just a couple decades ago, it was normal to not know what you were having, and I assume a lot easier to shop for.

This past weekend, Emily and I walked into a baby store and did the now familiar shuffle to the middle of the store, looking to one side to see the boys clothes, looking to the other side to see the girls clothes, then looking down and see the one rack dedicated to gender neutral clothing. I am not knocking our retail world. They need to stock products the majority of their patrons desire but how about a little effort for us few adventurous parents!

So far, we have managed to make everything work well for us, we picked a nursery theme fit for any child, began to collect suitable clothing, decided on names, and even created a baby playlist comprised of our favorite songs. The one thing we have not been able to work out is what to call our baby while its in utero. Most of the time, we say “it”, as in “I can feel it moving around!” but I don’t like to refer to my child as an “it”. It sounds cold and uncaring. I’ve tried out a couple nicknames but nothing has stuck yet. So as a last resort, I just call it the baby. “Hi baby! Hope you are comfortable in there.”

The other issue I have had to deal with is how to picture the baby when thinking about the future. Sometimes, I’m walking with my son down a beach, or dancing with my daughter in the living room. I suppose I should just tell myself that no matter what it is and who it becomes, we will love it more than anything and those joyful scenarios in my head will fit with whoever pops out to say “Hello.”

It's gonna be a soccer player!

The first few times Emily told me to put my hand on her belly to feel the baby kick, I wasn’t able to feel anything. It was pretty disappointing because I was really looking forward to this moment throughout the pregnancy up to that point. I thought I felt it a couple times, but Emily said, if she couldn’t feel it, then it must have been in my head. That quickly changed, however, recently when for the first time, I felt the nudge of my yet to be born offspring, saying hello from within.

Whether you’re religious or not, the word miracle gets thrown around a lot these days like a hooker in Charlie Sheen’s hotel room. In this case though, what’s going on inside my wife’s body truly is a miracle. Every week something new is happening to that child and with each new milestone it reaches, the more excited its parents are about finally meeting it face to face.

I have started to think about the different stages of life this child will eventually go through. It’s amazing that I have witnessed its very first moments it has ever experienced. Before we got pregnant, I didn’t fully understand how a parent feels about their children. I know my parents care about me and always have but I never really knew to what extent those feelings were. To say that you love someone, and that person isn’t even here walking around yet, is astonishing.

I recently began trying to communicate with the baby by talking to Emily’s belly. At first I felt kinda silly, and I’m sure Emily was equally uncomfortable. I mean its not like I had an existing relationship with her belly. I never spoke to it previously, and I think if I had, she would have slapped me away. After a couple times, it felt like I had already established a rapport with my youngling and I’m hopeful when they are born, my voice will be a welcoming and relaxing focal point in the chaotic delivery room.

As a father, you struggle to establish a real connection with the pregnancy that will allow you to feel like an equal partner. It’s easier for the mother because she lives it and feels it every hour of every day. So for the man, your paternal instincts kick into overdrive as a way to show you can be the protector and provider. I think I have managed to warn Emily to “Be careful” almost every hour I am with her. “You’re going to brush your teeth? Be careful you don’t lose your grip and swallow the toothbrush!” It’s a wonder, Emily hasn’t snapped at me yet. By doing this, I’m not trying to nitpick at her. I’m just trying to stay involved in some way. I may never have the connection Emily has and will have, with our baby and I’m ok with that. Motherhood is a whole other experience that I will never fully realize. Us fathers can only hope to be a warm and loving voice.

-AP

Busting at the Seams

If you walked into our house today, you would think Emily and I were moving. There are boxes everywhere, an industrial sized roll of bubble wrap, and pictures sitting on the ground instead of hanging on the wall. Unfortunately we are not moving, we are attempting to fit another resident into our already cramped home.

For the last few weeks, we have been tasked with the job of deciding what can stay and what gets shipped to Salvation Army. Our extra bedroom, which served as a home office/media room/storage room/just throw it in the extra bedroom for now room, has been cleared out and is ready for the new arrival, but it wasn’t easy. Having to decide which of your possessions, ones you have had forever, can stay and which can be shipped out, was no easy choice.

It’s amazing how much junk you can accrue over time without even knowing it. At times it was baffling, staring at something you had completely forgotten you own, and at other times it was exciting having discovered something that triggered a trip down memory lane. In the end though, if it was the former, it was thrown in the box with the other forgotten treasures.

I guess in a sense we are moving, though not physically. We are packing up our belongings we have held onto as a way to stay connected to our youth, and moving into the parenthood. So rather than pine for days gone by, we are now eagerly waiting the days coming where we will watch someone else collect treasures of their youth until one day they need to decide which stays, and which goes. But by the time that probably happens, science will have most likely perfected shrink ray technology and my kid can just minimize it’s belongings and throw them in a drawer….ahhh the future.

-AP

Three's Company

“I’m going to be somebody’s father.”

Those were the words that kept echoing through my head as my wife and I watched a tiny heart flutter away in the blurry black and white monitors in front of us. The rapid beat of my newly created offspring felt like the sound of adulthood finally catching up to me. This was the first time the pregnancy felt “real” to me.

It was a crisp fall morning when my wife ran outside waving a little plastic stick that sported two faint pink lines. These tiny, hardly noticeable marks, were a signal that our lives were about to change forever.

I stood in shock. Even though we had been trying for a while, it still caught me off guard. As I hugged my wife and wiped her tears, inside I thought, “No waaaay. We need a second opinion. She probably bought the generic pregnancy test brand! I need the most expensive one they sell!” We bought two more tests, each one was positive. We were having a baby.

For those who remember my blog from a few years ago, (where I was searching for the maturity it took to be a husband) you'll be happy to know that I am pretty sure I found it and am doing quite well in that arena. Today, my wife is in her 6th month of pregnancy. I have wanted to start this blog for sometime but I could not think of what I wanted to say, that was until this weekend.

We are in the process of cleaning out our extra bedroom in preparation of converting it into a nursery. On Sunday, my wife started moving things into the closet as I was playing with my new iPhone. When she called me in to see the progress, I was met with my inspiration for this blog.

Hanging in the closet were the many baby outfits we had accrued since that fateful fall morning. I had seen and held all the clothes before but seeing them hung, in a closet, on hangers, threw me for a loop. There was going to be an actual person living in this room a person who would depend on us for EVERYTHING.

See, until that point, the only thing that was “real” to me was the pregnancy. I had not fully grasped the concept that it would result in another person coming into my life. I mean, I’m not stupid, I knew pregnancy equals baby, but emotionally, I had not come to that full realization yet.

I went back in after that and stood and stared at the little clothes hanging in what used to be our junk closet and started to touch them and I finally saw them for what they are. These are my child’s possessions. These will keep him or her warm during the day and snug at night. They will get spit up on and soiled from time to time. They will go through many wash cycles and hung back up by Emily or me. These belong to my child, and my child belongs to us.

-AP